Breaking news: I use a calculator.
Having rejected math, science, and other forms of empirical knowledge, I had kept my calculator hidden in my top desk drawer, never to be used, except under the most extraordinary of circumstances, which, given the nature of my life, I doubted would ever presesnt themselves. Well, folks, such circumstances arose and forced me to power up my long-neglected TI-30Xa SE. What, you may ask, precipitated the urgent need for a calculator? Greg and I, as self-proclaimed film snobs, decided to find an average Metacritic score for our respective DVD collections. Some would call it a colossal waste of time—okay, so pretty much everyone would say that. However, the truth is, despite my status as an English major, I still desire quantitative proof of things I hold to be true. In this case, I wanted, practically needed a numerical value, one that represented my impeccable taste in cinema. Sure, I enjoyed Hellboy and saw She’s All That in theaters, but for whatever reason, a certain vanity has convinced me that my taste in movies is near-infallible. The end result: Greg and I, after computing our scores, were locked in a tie at 72.4/100. Yet, I suddenly remember that I owned Terminator 2, and my new average was 71.9. Greg had won. I had lost. Nothing new there.
If you read the above paragraph and didn’t think I was being a pretentious jerk, way to go.
In other news, I’ve been spending a lot of time researching Scientology. No, I’m not going to convert or anything. That would just increase the comparisons to Tom Cruise I already get. I’m not going to discuss it further, for I may get hit with a big old lawsuit.
At the moment, I’m also trying to read three books at once—The Great Gatsby, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, and The Universal Baseball Association, Inc. It’s a daunting task, but I think I can do it, if I stop sleeping and skip even more meals than I already do. In other words, it probably won’t end up happening.
Oh, and my friend told me about this uber-cool, uber-underground, uber-heavy metal band with a parrot singer: Hatebeak.
That’s it for this post. Thank God.
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March 28th, 2006 at 9:52 am
So, now I know why Welsh was trying to get me to list the movies I own. He claimed I didn’t even qualify because the only movies I own are The Sandlot, Wayne’s World, Meet The Parents, The Seinfeld HBO special, Airheads, and Dazed and Confused. I would say that my collection is deserving of a perfect score.