C-wod.com

Congrats, you’ve graduated college! Welcome to the Single World. Here in the Single World your main objective is to: 1. Make yourself desirable; 2. Get ass without attachment; 3. Master the workings of the opposite (or same) sex’s brain, as to forego future divorce.

First in the Single World you must find your watering hole. For most this as simple as going to your local intoxicant distributor. The local pub has been a popular choice for centuries because it’s the only place where you’re allowed to be interested in someone for just their looks. The place is crowded and loud. You can’t be expected to be attracted to someone because of the latest New Yorker in their hand. Hell, you’re lucky if you can even tell what the person looks like with such poor lighting. (But hey, you’re lucky they can barely make you out too.) Only in the bar is it permissible to hit on someone solely because of their looks. Voila! The universal scape goat to act upon your most primitive instincts.

But you can’t just simply walk into a bar. You need to have a posse. Otherwise, you can’t pretend that you just happened to see that girl/boy that caught your eye. Without your posse you immediately become a Certified Creep. Sitting with your back to the bar, drink in hand, eyeing every piece of meat that walks by you. Sorry, but without your posse your cover is blown. They are your shield. With them you’re a stealth bomber capable of practically drooling on yourself without anyone noticing. Hey! You’re with your boys. What’s to make you think I was looking at you?! Fucking skank.

But alas, what do you do when you have no posse with which to roll? You can’t start hitting on people without friends by your side. Heavens forbid! What would they think of you? Excuse me, but you’re by yourself. I can’t talk to you unless you’ve agonized about speaking to me for at least half the night. You need to counsel you’re boys. You wouldn’t want to hit it with a fatty would you? And what if you get denied? You can’t call someone a fucking skank by yourself. It’s just not nearly as satisfying.

This brings our lowly singlet to the deepest level of hell. Online dating…

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.